i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
