Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
