Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
