i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
