..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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