Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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