I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
