He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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