she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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