Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
