2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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