nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
