there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the liver wants what the liver wants
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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