THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
