The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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