I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
