3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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