does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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