life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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