I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
