I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
