So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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