Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
