this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
