New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
