"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
