he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
