maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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