I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
