I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
