I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
