At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
