i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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