I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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