Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
