My Higher Power is John Stamos
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
