Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the liver wants what the liver wants
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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