are you still at the devil's house?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
