Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
