Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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