I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Randomize
