so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
