Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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