drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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