Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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