I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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