I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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