you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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