Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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