u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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