so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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