I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
