Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
