Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
