one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
