I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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