mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
