Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
