Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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