Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my vagina is haunted
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
