babies were throwing up all over the place
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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