How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
