and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
