hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
