Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
