dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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