she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
