yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
