Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me I should be a condom model.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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