Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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