I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
