It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
