If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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