If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
