We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
