I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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