My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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