mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
