There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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