don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
