My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do vagina's smell?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
