All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
