omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this just has baby written all over it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
