The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
