I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
