tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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