I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
