i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
