OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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