What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Randomize
